Friday, September 18, 2009

So now my thoughts are mine.

I love blogging. Online diary. I never kept a diary. But still I have thousands of hours of video footage capturing moments in time. I'd like to think that after I've gone from this world then something of me may be left for others curious enough to see. Inscribed in Bruce Lee's headstone is the quote, "The first step to immortality is to first live a life worth remembering." Now, I don't want to think of what to scratch into the hunk of stone 6 ft above my final resting place, the internet provides a certain immortality. Basically you can't take the pee out of the pool. Now that the blog nation has been wittled down to the true believers and most of the non believers have deleted their blogs and are probably tweeting about every little thing thought to cross their awesome lives...I guesse my thoughts are finally mine (and to those who actually care)

For a while there blogging was for others entertainment. I pretended to live in a world where my blog thoughts were my own, but I'd feel bad when nobody commented. I poured way too much time and effort into my bloggs, more than I did with any writting I did in school. No more. Me.


For the first time in a long time I can say I'm starting a new phase in my life. The last phase was knowing I was inheriting the Newspaper and basically waiting around to reap the benifits. I've watch all my friends get a career, get married, get kids. With me ever since I finished school I've been in a holding patern. So in every way I feel stunted. I'm still waiting for a big pile of cash to hit me in the face. Whats funny is that I'm not that greedy. I'm pretty much happy with the simple pleasure of life. So what am I really waiting for? I think my personality has played against me this whole time. I'm the most patient dude on the planet, I can win a blinking contest with a tree! Lately I've found that I'm tired of waiting. I suppose either I'm bored or I'm matureing. I'd lay money on the bored aspect.

Lately I've been working in a resturant. All I'm willing to say is that there is a lot of money invloved. Ive taken my mission very seriously trying to figure out where the money is going. I know where its going but I can't prove it yet. And the other day there was a big party going on that I was working with a lot of relitives there. At first I thought it would be weird serving drinks and cleaning up after ppl I know it turned out to be fine. But something my Uncle Bay said to me kinda shook me. He's one of my most admired uncles. He said to me, "So, you're playing a waiter now." And in that instant I knew that I'm still in my holding pattern. What I've been doing these past months is still temperary. Theres no freakin way I want to work in a resturant. I just don't know if I can keep it up before I finish what I set out to do.

My fam moved into a new house. I finally know that this is the last house my familly as a unit will own. After all the moving we've done since...probably when I was still in hs. This is it. The familly home base that will draw the future juatco's home every holiday. I can see it working already, in the past month I see some of my wayward cousins and their family's already drawn near. My familly home base used to be my Tita Lina's house but she passed about a decade ago and our familly has been scattered since. Her daughter, my cousin Ina, is sort of a polorizing personality to put it politely. Least to say not many of us have stood in that house very often since. This new house has an awesome aura. I can foresee my future kids running around here playing with all their cousins.


Monday, June 01, 2009

Bacon fried rice.

Aperently one can make friend rice with anything. And I loved it. My Bro Randy has retired from KP. His bf is a super sexy sex goddess with the voice of a bimbo (direct quote from Michelle Correa via VeeJay Correa) She is so hot.

Ode to Devona. How can one be so hot? One is born, so hot. One can work in my resturant, being hot. And basically do whatever one wants....and be so hot. Question, how can one be so hot and not catch fire and burn up? There must be a level of hotnness that trandsends human understanding. I don't understand how one can be so hot.

As for Randys bf. I don't know your name but can you get any sexyier? I think I heard her talk for maybe 15 mins and I think I got hard almost right away. Honestly she played this bimbo thing that so worked for me. Time to sleep

Friday, May 22, 2009

Mid season report card.

I havn't forgotten about my resolution to write my blog.

My birthday was fun. It lasted two weekends with familly bbq's on each weekend spaning mothers day and my birthday. It sucked having 5 hour practices Sat and Sun on each weekend but it was worth it to sit my tired bones down beside Ina and John John and Carlo each with familly because the greatest gift was to get everyone together after all these years of 'thanks for the memmories'. Reconecting with my one and only god daughter was awesome. I've missed all 13 of her birthdays except the first. Back then her dad was clean and responsible and Me him and John were kindred spirits/cousins/bff's. Now Terry is...out to lunch, and John (Jon, lets get real) has like 5 kids of his own. Once again I marvel that we three are the same age. Much like in KP world, I marvel how me Nick and Jeff are the same age. Evidence shows I'm not so old.

Speaking of KP world, Randy has declared his retiring from the scene. Gold watch time? As it turns out I was absent from that practice when he layed down the news. Which is just perfect considering before this anouncement his greatest kp anouncement was the day he 'came out'. Of all the millions of practices I've been to and the few dozen I've missed over the years I just happened to miss the two most important ones. This last one I was too hung over. The one in 1990ish I think I was out of town. It's like the one time I was passed out before new years and I spent the whole next year accedentilly writing down the wrong year...I never actually believed he came out to anyone because I wasn't there to actually see it with my own eyes. It's like it was a long wind up to a joke that will spring ...any day now...25 years latter...the punch line is coming... any minute now.... (FYI, after all this time I do realize he is gay and is retiring, I'm not that thick.)

What do I love? At this place at this brief period of time that I have witnessed this life I can identify a very few things that I whole hartedly love. Don't be shocked if two of them are cars. I love my familly, especially my newest nephew whom I think is a reincarnation of myself. I love the Astin Marting Vantage. I love poutine. I love the 370z, if I were to design a car this would be it. I love the Canucks and the Seahawks.

I have a storey of my greatest love. I think I was 4. As Nicky is a reincarnation of myself, I was told I was a reincarnation of my Uncle Larry. That would be the dad of Elena Juatco fame. All my life I was told I was my uncle. At such a young age I was dissapointed considering he was a rockstar playboy who worked at the mall. (keep in mind I was 4) But one thing I remember was his silver 240z. At 6 I didn't know what sex was, but this car made me feel woozy. I was breathless in it's presence. This thing was sent from the gods just for me. A few years latter he traded it in for a green 260Z which was probably faster because that year he lost his licence and he had to sell his car. The momment he broke this last information to me I made him promise, 'you promise you'll buy this car again.' Which he did promise thinking I'd never remember. I never forgott. I was a ring barer for more than a few weddings because I was good looking like that. I remeber this one time when everyone was running late and Tita Lina was running behind schedule so Tito Larry had to pick her up in his two seat Z which meant I had to ride in her lap. We wittnessed a horrific accident when I saw someone on a motorbike bounce off a car and then slide across the intersection and under a car to our left. Tita Lina covered my eyes yellilng, 'OMG! Don't worry he'll never remember this.' Shite, I remember all that, mostly because I was riding in my dream car. (BTW that was the moment I realized a trained psychyatrist dosn't really know what going on in someones mind. )I played dumb for the rest of the night while my aunt, uncle and both my parents stared at me with their mouths open wondering what was going on behind my eyes. I tried my hardest not to let on that I knew what was going on. That kid was so dead, they probably knew that I knew it. I think I was probably too young for it to affect me but I certainly remember. I could describe it if you asked me.

So in 04 I drove up to tito Larrys house in my new 350z. And I know he was remember what I was remembering. And I know he was loving it like I was loving it considering he never did buy back his 260Z. I let him drive it around the block and then I watched him trying to convice his wife the rest of the night that, "Its a practical car since the kids are going off to school and they can easilly afford it."

I've been buying car magazines since I got my first job. I collect articles from old magazines of cars I like. I have articles ripped out the binding that are older than my nephews. One day I caught a spy photo of the next Z. The 300ZX disappeared in the 90's but it kept re-appearing in the Nissan adds as the promise that Nissan hasn't forgotten. The next Z was a total retro design invoking the original love. the official photo's were of a rear 3/4 shot of a strange door handle and a triangular tail light. At some point Nissan changed their stance and the new 350Z was a total modern design. I felt cheated. I actually thought I had a chance to buy the car that stired my soul, a car that hadn't exisisted for almost 25 years. Now that I had the chance, I didn't have the car. I baught the car, at first it looked kinda weird but then I loved it. BUT, if I were ever to design a car...

As soon as I saw the next gen 370Z I almost started to cry. The gods were monitering my dreams and instead of being mad my inner most being was being monitered I felt preditory thinking of how to aquire the thing they had that I wanted. Right out the corners of my own mind.

The first video I watched of the new 370Z in motion they showed a young flip guy being a little bit too familliar with my car. He came out the crowd, opened the door, sat down, started touching all the stuff and my initial reaction is that he just kissed my gf and I wanted to punch his face in. And then he started talking to the camera and...omg he's the guy that designed my baby. So I let it slide. And recently I figured out that he's my age and he's from Surrey. I recently added him on fb and my god he knows everyone I know and I'm pretty sure I've partied with him. Actually he's younger than me and as it turns out, his love for the Z is as deep rooted as my own.

Cheers Randy Rodriquez, thank you for making my dream true. To my dream, see you in less than a year and you already have a name.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Beware the ides of March

If I'm not mistaken the Ides of march is the 15th. Julius baby, keep your head up for a couple of days. A quick Wiki tells me the ides describe the 15th of March May July and October. From this day forth my birthday will be describes as the Ides of May.

Time time time. What has become of me? As I look around, all the posibilities.

In a man's life there are defineing momments. THE first time. I learned to walk. Learned to talk. Learned to tie my shoes. Learned how to mack. I had sex.

The funny thing about memmory, a smell can mean so much. I left the Phils when I was a baby. I was just past 1. I grew up seeing pictures thinking everything in the Phils was black and white. By some magical force there were no colours that didn't fade from black to silver. Somehow all modern colours were invented in the 70's and 80's and then we saw a whole new world. In '91 I went back to the phils and complained how everything smelled like rotting vegitation...till I recoginized how it evoked my childhood. BTW, when I close my eyes the universe cesses to exist.

One day way later I smelled something...a particular smell in a very crowded small room...

Perfume is designed to evoke sex. And suddenly I'm in a way back machine in my head.

It took 30 seconds googling a certain name and High School to find an e-mail addy. The last time our history crossed I was doing a body shot off her 'chest'. The last time I thought about her was...each time.

The certian name was the first name.

And lately our historys have crossed once again.


Thursday, February 05, 2009


As part of my new years resolution I plan on reviving my blog. In the past I've always considered my blog as myself talking to myself not considering that other ppl also read my thoughts. Now that I see the blogging nation down to almost non-existence this consideration is probably more true than ever.

I just watched the movie Deception on dvd. I love DVD's, it may not be the most compact media, but there's something about collecting them. Like collecting books, which I also do. It's not the same as collecting e-books on an anonymous file in ones computer. It's nice to hold a book, turning the pages. Holding an old book sometime brings me back to when I last time read it. Example, my summer in Hawaii was Pearl Harbour, Eaters of the Dead, and the Beach. Opening, watching, tagging and stacking a DVD is a process I quite enjoy. I like to scour used DVD bins, and sales bins for those lost treasures at reasonable prices. And even thou my collection is in excess of 500 movies and TV series I watch them quite frequently. There's other aspects of DVD's that are Superior to the Theatre presentation.

The theatre presentation is the preferred method to experience a movie. The larger than life presentation, the sound, the crowd reaction, snacks, and of course the company. I can pretty much chart my life to my many theatre experiences. I remember watching Star Wars for the first time and how it pretty much influenced an entire planet. I remember my best friends birthday when everyone outvoted me and we watched Caddy Shack instead of Empire Strikes Back. If you name a significant movie I'll most likely have a storey or two. And it's not just the movies. I remember 2 dollar cheap nights at Eagle Ridge Theatre or (whats the theatre across from Coquitlam Centre in the Save-On parking lot?) was the place to be in High School. My friends calling me up at random times asking what was playing at my theatre my parents used to own. How I used to get a kick calling the movie-line cheap theatre's at Lougheed mall or the Theatre's in New West because my gf was the voice telling one the movies and times. One thing I don't like are the movie previews they show the movie. If you've ever watched a movie with me you may have noticed me close my eyes or stare at my popcorn or something as they played. I don't like watching them. I hate how they generally show all the good parts of the movie. The last thing I want to see before I watch a movie is the trailer. It ruins the movie for me. I hate how in a matter of thirty seconds I've figured out the entire plot, the visual style of the movie along with a highlight package, and on a few occasions they show you the final twist. For most of my life I've never seen any of them, even the ones of my favourite movies and I resigned myself knowing those trailers are lost to history and sometimes I wondered what they showed. It was worth it to me.

With the advent of the DVD I was delighted to see that they included the many trailers of the movie, even ones shown from other parts of the world. Among the other special features sometimes they'd have commentary from the actors and directors. Scenes, that ended up on the cutting room floor and sometimes alternate scenes or endings. I love it. A lot of times what ends up on the cutting room floors are truly excellent scenes. A person took the time to write it, to light it, to act it, to film it, to sound it, and to edit it. And at the end of the day nobody will ever see it. And a lot of times the commentary would say things like "It didn't move the storey forward" or "because of time considerations or pace" etc. So back storey's/extra info or saving 10 seconds in a 120 min movie doomed this scene? And these same ppl usually mention how they loved the scene and how it hurt to cut it. WTF? I think these ppl just enjoy torturing themselves and telling ppl about how they struggled with this and that. Today's movie selection had an alternate ending.

Deception. Solid movie. I'm a huge Ewen McGregger fan. It was a thriller with a solid storey line and excellent execution. Something struck me with the ending as I was watching the closing scene. *SPOILER ALERT!* It didn't make sense on a couple of levels. Such a well thought out movie and the ending didn't make sense. He didn't keep the money, after all he went through and the fact he let his identity die with Hugh Jackman...and he didn't keep the money? Why did he do that if he didn't intend to keep the money? Now he has no identity and no money. Second Michelle Williams magically finds him in a random square in Spain. It made me scramble back to my brain if Williams subltly mentioned something about a specific square in Spain or They just found each other. As it turns out the DVD included an alternate ending. And it was way better! It was simpler and it made sense, it book ended the beginning of the movie, it showed the evolution of the main character...and it made sense! And he kept the money! And of course the director's commentary of the final scene was all about how tortured he is that this wasn't the ending used in the final cut. What a dick. Just shut up. This is why 99 times out of a 100 the directors cut is preferable imo. They had time to realize they made a lot of bad choices and have the out of proclaiming that the director's cut represents their real vision, yeah right.


Friday, December 26, 2008

Oh my goodness. I decided to write my annual kp christmas version 4.0 and had to reach back into my blog to see version 3.0 was written in oh six! Check it out. btw the state of the blogging nation is a kahihiyan. Props to Randy for still blogging. One of my resilutions is to take up the fight and start blogging again. Reading some of my old blogs I must say I'm a good writer. Even if I can't spell. Spelling is for the birds.

Kp Christmas 4.0

T'was the night of KP Chritmas and all through Scotia Bank Place.
Not a creature was dancing,
not even your face.
The bamboo's were slung on the railings with care
in hopes a tinikling would soon be there.
But at the Lozanas house there arouse such a comotion.
The Kp'ers arrived two by two
like the ocean of the ocean.

Now Putrick now Jenilee
Now Pumala now smilee guy!
Come CrisPy come hot date
come Merboo and oriental guy
thats general but I'm stupid!

But do you recalll?The most randy KPer of them all?
Randy the KP AD.
Had a very shiney scooter.
And if you ever baught one
he would claim that his is cuter.
After the eating and drinking,
Kp did their gift exchange.
After the hustle and bussle
Alexa ended up with giant pants again!

Then they watched their DVD.
And Randy came to say,"Rhoel, even blinded with the side lightsI'm glad you hit your mark that night!"

Like a pebble in a pond,from calm to a clatter.
Day turned to night what the frak is a matter?
So I in my sled
I dropped down on the clutch
I punched farward my fist and burned out oh so much.
An echo to my drunken ears do appear?
Fast farward tonight so I can enjoy a new year.

Sleep sexy Vancouver.

In anticipation of my new years reseluotion this will be pasted in my blog.


Tuesday, May 06, 2008

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity. Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind . Dust in the Wind. Kansas.

Time. Each day I wake up, make my play, and pray I wake up for another day. Not so much pray because I don't actually believe in a particular God. But more like hope nothing unexpected happens because I'd hate it if that happened. And a more than a few days have passed since I last cheched in.

I've actually written about 6 blog entries since my last published, but didn't publish. A couple of drunk mad rants here...a couple of heart felt epiphanies here...all deleted. I used to write as if only I would read what was written, neive I know. But the last year I knew if a tree fell in the forrest that someone would hear, and I didn't want anyone to hear. So now I'm back from my vacation. It actually took me a few tries to rememeber my user name and my password. I have random assortment of each and it took more than a few tries to get back in to my thought print out.

Lately I've had a certain feeling. Don't know where to start to close the gap between this year and last so how about a shot gun blast?

-I had a show last week. Three months ago Tito Leny asked me to help out for a show. Of course I said yes. He's asked this from me many times before. But usually it's to fill in for a cotillion that he's been teaching and 4 guys have dropped out at the last min and he needs a replacement who chan learn the coriagraphy of the last 3 months in 2 days. No worries, I've done it like 3 times before. The last time was when I was getting texts and e-mails when I was living in Hawaii about 6 years ago. I look at Marc as my little brother so that makes tito Len as kinda my dad. "Yes" I said. And then a time passed and I forgot about it. About a month ago I get a phone call. I was so hung over that I thought the phone call from 'tita Let' was Erica's mom talking about her wedding I was going to miss because I would be in NY for my cousins wedding. About 20 mins into the convo I figured out 'Tita Let' was Marcs mom reminding me of the show I had committed to. My first reaction was to punk out. A month before a show I hadn't even read the script for or practiced for. Two words. Unprofessional. Unprepared. But the word that stuck in my head after all...loyalty.

A month previous KP did a show for the COJCOLDS (thanks Put, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints) and we performed with a bunch of older performers...I thought that was what was going to happen again the momment of that phone call. I read the scene outline and I was thinking WTF this is fricken amature hour. But I committed. Marc (0f course because of his parents) committed. So MOFO I suppose I'm commited. My first practice with them my heart sunk. The two months from when I heard of the project till I was atually involved was spent teaching the Senior Citizens how to dance and teaching a new batch of young dancers. When I saw them...whats the kareoke equivelent to dancing? Tito Len had prepared me for the worst and he basically asked me, as a professional dancer, to fire these four old ladies. I think Tito Len had anticipated me and Marco's reaction to performing with a bunch of amatures. I was doing my thing after they had performed for me, I didn't know that at the time, and I saw 8 old ladies looking at me hopeing not to get kicked out of the show. Tito Len pulled me aside and asked me to fire these sweet old ladies. It looked on his face that he was embarassed to present me with "kareoke" dancers that had the gaul to share a stage with me. My reaction was "Weird question, they looked pretty good to me, I think they should all dance." and they all rushed me and thanked me. I had no idea what their deal was till much later. So on with the show. I missed 4 of the next 6 practices with my own group. And we have a much bigger show in two months time. Most of the practices was spent on the older dancers and I feel the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves. At some point Marc became involved and I helped him prepare as much as I could till it time.

I was born a shy boy. One day I decided I wasn't going to be shy anymore. I studied acting. I became a dancer. The last company I joined was as an actor and 15 years later I'm an OG dancer.

KP committed for 5 dances. I committed for a lot more. The show lasted 4 hours. I figure 30mins of dancing, 30 mins of acting...and about 3 hours of ad libbing. My lasting thought of that night was," I didn't know there was dialogue in this scene, LETS GO." Usually when I stroll out on a stage, I know exactlly what I'm doing. When I'm in the middle of a show and all I have to work with is a two line blurb describing the scene...and I stroll out anyways...I think I've conqured my fear, but I'm still very shy. The show must go on. That night I made it so. The cast hadn't seen the last half of the show at all. We basically made all that shite up. Marc, Me, Gina, made that shite happen. Unfortunatly it took 2 extra hours but mofo that scene made it.

I'm tired. This post will be published. I pledge to go forward and to go back. There is some chapter back in Europe that I want all yall to hear about. Right wiL? hehe.