...light the corners of my mind. Funny thing is I think of my mind as shaped as an inverse sphere.
It's been too long. So long in fact that I think I have ideas pouring out my brain like a burst dam. I hate when that happens. It's moments like this that I can start rabbiting and nothing said would make any sense.
If you can't really remember, then it didn't really happen.
I'm one of those ppl that loves to walk around with a camera and film everything. Or before the advent of portable video I loved to take pictures of everything. I suppose it's a memory aid. Ppl's mememory is inherently inaccurate because the experience that memory is 'recording' is filtered by things like mood, association, preconception, and imagination. And on top of that recall is 50 percent revisionist history. Two ppl witnessing the same event can remember totally different events. So there is my memory in digital clarity. Some would argue that walking around with a camera dilutes the experience. That one is missing life whilst trying to remember it.
I brought a camera to Rodneys stag. Best stag I've ever been to. Randy, brilliant idea with the house boat. I've recently screened the footage. I find it strange that the camera man pretty much forgot about his memory aid after the fireworks on the beach and the dance party on the Merv. So I suppose it can be said that nothing really happened after that...
Another thing about memory is that it's shot from one point of view. Try imagining watching a movie or tv show when the camera followed around only one character. And it's not like the scenes are in third person either but in first. I suppose that is the beauty of the shared experience. One gets more of the complete picture. Like at Rodney and Jeanettes wedding. In my immediate sphere there is what I experienced. The next sphere out is all the ppl I interacted with or shared an experience with. Third layer is the ppl they shared an experience with. It'd be impossible to know the whole experience. It makes me wonder how the storey would look from the eyes of a new husband, a new wife, a brother, a mother and father. I suppose it's enough to remember and cherish my own experience.
I've been starting to realize that I am very self centred. I always thought a self centred person had to be a diva, a self important ego maniac. Me first. When I think 'self centred' I think of those ridiculous sport stars or rappers that talk about themselves in the third person. I'm starting to figure out that one doesn't have to be greedy, high on one's self, or be a spectacle all the time. I am beginging to realize that when ever I experience something my first thought is 'how does this effect me?' or 'how does this relate to me?'. I find that as soon as someone starts talking about something my first impulse is to start talking about myself. Possibly this is why I'm happier when I'm single. Maybe it's because I haven't found someone to care for more than myself. Interesting. I gotta work on that, knowing is half the battle.
Rhoel.
posted by R @ 3:11 PM
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