When I was younger; regrets hovered over my everyday life like a black cloud blocking out the sun colouring everything grey. I used to fret and revisit every decision, action, or non-action. Second guessing everything. It used to consume so much of my time and energy that I was afraid to add to the pile of things to worry about. I would be so afraid to make a mistake that I would be paralyzed into non-action. There-bye adding to the pile anyways. And then one day I decided, "No more regrets." I would walk thru this life and any other with no stone unturned and at the end of the day the only person I had to answer to would be myself. To never apologize for being myself. "I said it, I did it, so be it." And I was much happier.
Of course problems like that don't actually go away. I just learned to deal with it better. Denial is a handy survival tool. I suppose out of sight out of my mind.
But every year around the holidays, I suppose it's because of New Years that most go into review mode. For me it starts off reviewing the past year, and then sooner or later some of those old regrets re-surface. Now a days thou it's only those really big ones that endure after all this time. And as much as I hate being vague and as much as I like to believe that I'm not being true to this electronic realm of mine without pouring my every thought down. But I do recognize this as a public forum and some things need not be spoken. Lets just say that I just used a long forgotten e-mail addy. I don't even know if she still uses it. Just a simple little note to ask to see how the world has been treating her. In case you're wondering she's not the provervial 'one that got away', just the one I let down the most.
Now that I think about it the day I decided to live with no regrets may have been the same day I decided not to be shy. I mean, I'm still shy, yet I can now run around in front of a thousand ppl in a buhug with all my stuff hanging out. hehe. The similarities make me wonder if it was the same moment...
Rhoel.
On a less serious note, when was the last time you scanned your list of hot-mail addy's on your contact list? Some of those are so old that I don't even know who they belong to.
posted by R @ 9:56 AM
Comments: 1
